Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Disappointed...





I'm sure that's not what you were hoping to hear so 
I'm so sorry to be taking up your inbox or reader
 space with such negativity, but a blog is a blog and
 there's an unwritten rule about being truthful on it isn't there?!

Yes I've just been to Gauteng for the weekend for my
uncle's 60th "Birthday Bash" and that was fun - photos to
follow shortly...so that's not the problem, I just haven't 
enjoyed this year *to date*.  

When I was away in the Drakensberg I had great plans for
2012.  Firstly I wasn't expecting one of our good friends
to have a heart-attack and go from bad to worse...Nor
was I expecting to feel as disorganised and out of control 
as I do right now.  My 2 weeks away was desperately
needed but I haven't come up for air since I returned and
quite frankly I'm getting tired of it already (before January
is out!!  Oooh dear...not a good sign!!)

I have had to spend some time with my attentions 
elsewhere this year - on some simple house projects that
 have been disastrous (as is usually the case in this Province
which is why I've been loathe to take them on before).
There is a lack of skilled artisans in Durban and it shows...

And on a weight-loss/exercise program that is simple 
and elementary (for "normal" people perhaps) but for
me it's an uphill climb and I'm less than a month in!!
I am (only just) up to date on my Design Team work
but seem to be scraping my deadlines by the skin
of my teeth, and I hate that, but that's how it's working
out ALL THE TIME at the moment - which makes
me an unhappy chickie :(

So I am chasing my tail, still trying to get up to
date with my e mails and blog reading from
when we were away a month ago, and not having 
the time to swoon over all the CHA sneaks around, 
and I just feel BEHIND. 

I think I'd feel better if there was a little more 
reward for all my hard work but I haven't had a 
very illustrious scrappy year so far, with a number of 
disappointments,and no matter how hard you try, that's 
ultimately corrosive.  It's disheartening.  Cumulatively 
disappointing...That's the truth...It's hard to keep going when
 you wonder if you are getting anywhere fast...







26 comments:

Lea said...

Hi Helen. Hang in there!!! You're an amazing women. I'll send some encouraging prayers your way. Thanks for the honest post!

topkatnz said...

I'm sorry. I spent my whole year behind the eight-ball last year and it sucks. But I did eventually come upon some strategies to help me hold on to my sanity. It's a tough one for sure. Remember, you gotta have the 'lows' to truly appreciate the 'highs'. Big hugs. Hang in there - you can do it.

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

Oh honey... I totally feel you!! Big hugs and love from me!!! Just remember to breathe! :):):):):):):):):):):)

Bellaidea said...

Well, mayby it`s just the way you expect so much from yourself plus some stuff really bothers you?
I will send email tomorrow, I know solution to some of your problems. yes, I do!

Stefanie said...

I hear you and feel your pain. What makes it worse is the jolly heat - I feel that it curdles my brain and leaves me limp and wiped out. I think you have so much on your plate that most normal people would be behind. You're still an inspiration to me and so many others. "keep on swimming" - the movie Nemo.

Shayne said...

I think when a year starts off on an unsteady note, especially after a wonderful time away, it unnerves us and rocks our calm little world.

Perhaps start your year in Feb, and take the next couple of weeks to get through what you need to without killing yourself.

xxx

Irini said...

I am so sorry to hear all this is happening around you...I understnad you too, as my 2012 so far is disorganised on many levels....all we can do Helen is plough on and TRY to keep positive for our children...thinking of you
irini

Lynette said...

I feel for you my friend...you seem to be finding yourself where I was in December...slightly depressed perhaps? I don't think you should push yourself past what you can or want to do at this time. Take it easy...send an e-mail to the teams you do work for (they are all girls and I am sure they will be supportive) The thing is...when we start doing what we love (scrapping) because we have to it becomes a chore and not the pleasure it is meant to be. Sending you a great big hug.

Heather Jacob said...

ooohh Helen .... aaawww soooooo sorry to hear all of this .... sometimes when we are down and low the only way is up ... so maybe there is lighter energy just around the corner ...
buy some yellow flowers and breathe in their delicious energy...
take care my gorgeous friend .... all will improve soon I am sure xoxoxo

a friend of ours had his bladder removed today ... cancer ... I really feel for him ... a tough time ahead ..

Vicky Varvadouka said...

I went through a small depression myself in Dec. I am better now but not 100% yet...so I feel for you...I stopped applying for DTs as it is so stressful and time consuming that you loose the plesure of creating! Why don't you step down for a while and just breathe! You will charge batteries and feel much better! This is what I did! I spend more time with my family now and I am happy..time flies and we have to enjoy every moment! Don't panic, just relax and enjoy...everything will be fine...As for the dissapointment, you should know that you are an inspiration to so many ladies and you should be proud for that!!!

Linda said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Helen....I hope s/he will improve. Sounds like you need to get back to creating for the joy of it - probably for the reasons you began it in the first place - and then you won't give a fig about the rejections because they aren't what it's all about for you....iykwim. Good luck!

Evgenia Petzer said...

really want to see you and talk, you are talented and one day you will prove it to the world!

Dara Lynn said...

I totally agree with Lynette! You and your family come first. If you miss a deadline ...oh well. I don't mean that in a flippant way..but I don't know who would be keeping tabs if you did..You posted earlier in the month..to be yourself...scrap what makes you happy..your words grabbed my heart to tell me ..to be yourself. Disappointment..discouraged..I don't know if those words are depressing..I merely think you are being tested...which will be your testimony in the future.

Mitra Pratt said...

SORRY! I would have been by sooner but got lost in the Mountains of Drakensberg via your link. I now really want to visit.

I had a good think though that you are in our September here which is when our kids go back to school. I usually hate the first couple of weeks back when the mellow of summer vacation wears off and we're back to the grind. The little people are all trying to get their feet under them and are pretty needy. I KNOW things will level out and good news is right around the corner! I can feel it from NY, so it's a pretty strong feeling!

Sabrina said...

Helen dearest,

I totally understand what you meant. I think you are probably the most honest scrappy friend I have ever known. This is an honest post and I feel you. But honestly, sometimes you may want to just take things a bit lightly, so that it will not be so stressful. Not getting what you expect certainly hurts. I know it is easier said than done, but most of us also feel exactly the same. Just believe in yourself, don't expect too much and sometimes, miracles come when you least expect it :)

Cheers, my friend!! =)

Hugs,
Sabrina

Marelize said...

Hi Helen. I'm so sorry to hear that your year hasn't started so well. Hey, but who says everything has to start in January? You can always give it a new start in February and make that the beginning of all good things to come. :) I really hope things will look better for your tomorrow.
Take care. xx

Alison said...

Sorry to hear you so down Helen...things going wrong around the house don't help and you DO have a lot of scrappy commitments...as the previous commenter said, maybe you should start again in February!
Alison xx

Bente Fagerberg said...

I can so relate to all the unscrappy events going on around you effecting lust and creativty. I am coming up for air after a few months like that and am slowly finding my way back to creating, blogging and commenting.
It is my impression that you are a very wise woman and I am sure that if you take the time to breathe you will gradually come to terms with what is most important for you and your dear ones. Probably/hopefully you will catch up and get back to the fun of scrapping soon. I know it is less fun when deadlines come flying at you at an escalating pace. I am so sorry to hear about your good friend.That is tough!

Linda said...

Hi again Helen. I just read a blog post at http://damasklove.blogspot.com/2012/01/bloggiversary-week-competive-crafting.html that may help you get the whole crafting angst into perspective. A lot of crafters can relate obviously! We need to get back to why we started to craft in the first place - cause we love it!! xL

Angela said...

Hi Helen,

Your words have just reached out to me and I can truly get where you are coming from. Being behind when there are deadlines and not truly enjoying the stress that comes along with it. Whereas I am having problems keeping up with all the wonderful blogs out there and finding myself with no time to create or post on my own blog.
Keep your chin up and do what is right for you and always remember tomorrow is another day.
Hugs,
Angela

yyam said...

It's hard to think positive all the time. I know. As for rejections, I have had a whole year of them. It does nothing for your self-esteem. Give yourself some time to mope and feel sorry for yourself. Then pick yourself up and start again. I am a great fan of your work. And I know how hard you work at honing your craft skills. Your day will come. I promise.

P/s: We can share stories via email if you like...this is a little too public.

Cathy Sanders said...

Hang in there... tomorrow is another day and you can start again.

Rachael Funnell said...

Just read your most recent post & thought I'd best read the post & cooment before I comment on the other!!!!!
I somehow must of missed this post? Anyways!!!
We all have times in our life's no matter how gr8 it is...
Where it can get on top of us..... & good for u to be strong enough to post it!!!!! I personally have troubles getting my thoughts out & exposing myself @ times.....
BUT!!! Let me tell u that if when it comes face to face I have NO probs letting it all out!!! LOL! You are a BIG inspiration to Me & to many others..... Xx

phamil said...

Gosh Helen, I think we are truly kindred spirits. I have not had a good beginning to 2012 either, and had all kinds of high hopes! But when I start feeling negative I remember the good, my family, my kids, their health and I feel better. But I'm sorry you're dealing with some of the same issues. We've had lots of "bad" things heppen so far too, my Uncle passed away (suicide), 2 really close family friends have had to put their pets of many years down in the last 2 weeks and then to top it off my youngest son's friend's fiancee passed away on the operating table at age 17! And....for the scrappy side of it, I've tried out for several dt's and just don't think my style is what anybody wants! I would love to be on a paper mfg. team, seems I just can't get it!!! I have gotten a couple of good teams, WorldWin and WOW, and of course I LOVE OUAS, but I would so love to be on a paper team! I don't know what they want really. And you....I can't imagine any team not wanting you on it, your work is just simply beautiful, and to me it's fresh and unique. If I had a DT you would certainly be one of the very first I would ask!!! I truly do understand, and I know this sounds jumbled, I'm not good with words, just know that I'm sure there are plenty of good things to come in 2012 for you, hopefully both of us, lol!!! Big HUGS!!!

Eila Sandberg said...

Will chat with you properly later this evening but want you to know that Heather is a very wise lady. Can share some stuff with you in my email and some amazing results. I'm all with you sweetie, all with you. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about the poor start to 2012. We're only in January yet, 11 more months left you know to fill with the most beautiful dreams come true! Just breathe darling and stop chasing your tail, it makes things worse you know. Do things that make you really really happy, small things with your family and just for yourself. Nothing scrappy. Chat soon, promise! Mwah!

Diana said...

Oh this sounds positively miserable for you. I know how it is to come back from being away and just feeling like you can't get on top of things. The dieting thing is probably also not helping matters. You're probably also feeling a bit burnt out with all the DT obligations. I hope as I catch up on your blog that things will have turned around some.